


Struggling to Understand You

by Strength_in_pain



Series: John and his boys [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Caring John Winchester, Community: spn-spankings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, Gen, John Winchester and Sam Winchester Fight, John got scared, Parental Spanking, Protective John Winchester, late night tv
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 09:46:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15838740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strength_in_pain/pseuds/Strength_in_pain
Summary: “He’s still mad.” Dean said quietly. “He didn’t think I deserved to be punished. I tried telling him I did, but you know Sam. He’s really stubborn sometimes. And sensitive. I don’t think you should have pun-“ Dean stopped mid-sentence when he saw the look on his Dad’s face.“Don’t think I should have what, Dean? Punished him?” John slammed his hand down on the table. “Well I think something needs to be done again. I’m not tolerating any disrespect from him.”





	Struggling to Understand You

 

> **February 4th 1993, Carthage, Cincinnati.**
> 
> **Dean 14, Sam 10**. 

“Care to explain before I kick your ass?” John asked his two recalcitrant children. Both of his boys were sitting on the couch with their heads bowed to the floor. 

"We didn't mean to." Sam said. He sounded a lot tougher than he was looking.

"DIDN'T MEAN TO WHAT? huh Sam? Didn't mean to get caught? Didn't think I would find out you snuck out of the rental house. I guess you didn't think I would find out last week when you went to a bar and got into a damn bar fight but I did. And both of you were supposed to be grounded to this house for a week but that didn’t happen did it? So let’s set some things straight. You disobeyed an order. You went against being grounded. Dean, you hot wired one of Bobby’s old junk cars and drove it! You’re fourteen-years-old. God help me, I might just take my belt to you tonight.” 

Both their heads shot up like lightening, wide eyes looking at John like he was a Demon. 

"Well it’s the truth! If a cop would’ve pulled you over... there were so many things that could’ve gone wrong. I know I taught you how to drive, Dean, but that’s only for emergencies. And Sam. You left the rental house and asked your brother to drive you to the high school so you could participate in a debate. Seriously? I'm not doing this boys! You two aren't going to go and get yourselves in thrown in jail, it's not happening. I'm sick of you two disobeying me!” 

John looked at both of them. Dean was upright and rigid like a sergeant major whereas Sam was slouched like a cooked strand of spaghetti. 

"Dean I want you back in your own room. Sam in yours. I'll talk to you guys each in a minute and I swear if either of you are gone from your room. When I find out you'll regret leaving for the rest of your life.” 

They both looked at each other but didn't move.

"Dad we share a room." Dean finally spoke up.

"The spare room Dean; go there." John told him firmly.

They both looked like they wanted to protest or something but neither of them had the guts to test their Dad’s nerve. 

Instead, Dean settled for the safe answer, “Yes sir.” 

After sending the boys to their rooms, John went to his own room. It was nice being in a rental house for once, instead of a crappy motel. He had his own room and the boys could have their own rooms too, even though they chose to be together most of the time. 

John put down a glass of tequila, and decided he was calm enough to get this over with. He walked to Dean’s room first. 

The first thing he saw when he opened the door was his two kids sitting on the edge of the bed. Color was drained from Dean’s face. He was as white as a slice of bread. But as soon as he saw John, he threw on a large enthusiastic grin. A nice cover for anyone who didn’t know Dean. But John knew his eldest son like the back of his hand. This was Dean’s MO. He’s mister everything’s all good; I’m fine, when really he was terrified. Sam knew it too. 

Sam was huddled under his big brother’s arm; his body squeezed so close to Dean’s their thighs were touching. It was no shock to see Sam crying. He was always a sensitive kid. 

As John stepped inside the room, Sam’s eyes became glazed with a glassy layer of tears. When he blinked, they dripped from his eyelids and slid down his cheeks. He bit his lip tightly in attempt to hide any sound that wanted to escape from his mouth. John’s heart sank. 

“Sammy, I told you to go to your room.” He said rather softly. Sam’s warm hazel-green eyes looked back up at Dean. His brother was chewing on his lip, gaze locked on the floor. 

“Are you gonna spank Dean?” Sam asked, voice wobbly, “because you shouldn’t. It was my fault. I wanted to go to the debate.”

“Sam.” John’s voice turned hard, “How I punish your brother is none of your business. Dean is responsible for his own actions. Just like last week when you went to a bar with Dean. I punished you because you chose to go along with him. This time, Dean chose to go along with you.”

“Sammy.” Dean’s voice whispered, “go to your room.” He reached over to mess up Sam’s hair before giving him a playful shove. Sam shoved him back as he slid off the bed. 

Wiping the last of his tears away on his sleeve, Sam left the room, but not before shooting John one of the dirtiest glares ever. 

John sighed and rolled up his white sleeves. “Dean, We made an agreement that you would stay out of trouble. Lately you haven't been doing that and tonight do you realize you could have gotten in a car crash. Or the police could have caught you driving without a license.” 

“Sorry sir.” Dean whispered. 

“You also lied to me tonight. You told me you were in bed. You weren't. You snuck out, Dean. You lost my trust."

Dean looked like he was about to cry. He starred down at his feet. John reached over and lifted his chin up. 

"You are Sam’s greatest influence. Is this the example you want to set for him?"

"No." Dean answered in small voice. “I just wanted him to be happy. He doesn’t get a chance to go to these stupid school things because we’re always moving. And the only reason he was grounded was because I asked him to go to that bar with me. So I figured...”

“You thought you would make it up to him.” John finished for his distressed son. Dean nodded, unable to speak. 

“Listen Dean, you can’t break my rules just because you think it will make Sam happy. My rules aren't to be mean. They are meant for your safety and so you won't get hauled away. When I say stay in the house and stay out of trouble I mean it!” 

Dean cringed. “I’m sorry Dad.” 

“Sorry ain’t gonna cut it. Not this time, boy.” 

“Aw Dad, you’re not actually gonna... you know...”

“Sorry kiddo, but I am.” John stood up and placed his foot on the railing of the bed. “Let’s get this over with.” 

Dean shook his head, “Daaad. I’m fourteen.”

“I don’t care if you’re fourteen, twenty-four, or forty. You’re my kid and It’s my job to take care of you. Discipline included, so let’s go.”

Dean was a smart kid. He slowly got up and came toward john. When he was in arms reached, John grabbed him and flipped him over his knee. 

Dean jumped when the first slap landed without warning. John didn’t work into it, he just did it. It was only his hand, but Dean knew Dad’s hand could hurt like hell. The hits came hard and fast, moving quickly to cover Dean’s backside with a rosy blush. 

Dean was gasping, his shoulders heaving, by the time John left the one side and focused on the other. When John switched to Dean’s sit spots the boy nearly flew off John’s lap. Dad threw his arm around Dean’s waist, pinning him in place. His eldest son has yet to give a reaction other than the occasional grunts and gasps. Typical Dean. He thinks he has to be tough all the time, even during an ass-beating. 

The stinging turned into deep achy throbs and Dean was close to breaking. But he kept his composure long enough to endure the fourteen well-placed swats on the sensitive under-curve of his bottom. 

“Ow.” Dean muttered when his Dad helped him up. John studied his son for a few minutes. His green eyes blinked rapidly. Large gulps of air were being sucked in, but he managed to give a pained smile. 

“Hey...are you all right?” 

Dean nodded. Then, he regained control of his voice, “I mean. I’ve been better.” 

John smiled, tugging his smart ass son into a warm hug. Dean was talking but it was muffled in John’s neck.

“What was that?”

“I want the trust back.” His words were still muffled but John understood. He rubbed his son’s back, and caressed Dean’s hair. 

“You want it, you have to earn it.” John said. 

“I will, Dad. I’m sorry I let you down.” Dean’s eyes filled with water and he quickly wiped away the single tear that fell. John pulled back so he could look at his child. He wanted to tell Dean that he was proud. That Dean shouldn’t feel like he let his father down, but he didn’t say any of that. Instead he put a hand on Dean’s shoulder and squeezed. Hopefully Dean could understand what he was trying to say. 

“You can’t beat Sammy like that.” Dean whispered a second later.

“I don’t plan on beating him. I plan on spanking him.”

 Dean shook his head. “You know what I mean. Dad please, he’s still young.” 

“He’s ten. Hell, Dean I was whipping your ass when you were seven. No wait, I think you were five?” 

“And now I’m scarred for life.” Dean said albeit he was joking, “but Sam still has a chance.”

“Nice try bud, but Sammy’s got to learn his actions have consequences. His big brother can’t always save him.” 

“Yes I can.” Dean said with a determined tone. 

“Dean. It’s none of your business how I punish your brother.”

“But Dad.”

John stood up shaking his head. “End of discussion kiddo. Get some rest.”

John turned the lights out and walked down the hallway. He felt his stomach clench. This one wasn't going to be easy. He opened the door and found Sam by his open window. 

John tried to push back the anger he felt. Sam knew how unsafe it was to have the windows open without a salt line around them. 

“Dad, I’m sorry.” Sam whispered upon seeing his father. 

“Shut the window and come here.” John barked. Sam was smart. He decided not to disobey another order that night. 

“Is Dean okay?” Sam asked when he was a few inches from his father. “I heard you hitting him. The walls are thin.”

“Dean’s fine.” John said shortly. “We’re talking about you now, not your brother. Look kid, you lied to me and lost my trust. On top of that you disobeyed me. My rules are to keep you safe and I expect you to follow them.” 

“I got it.” Sam muttered. 

“All right then. Let’s get this done with.” Sam looked at John with bright hurt eyes for a moment before dropping his gaze to the floor. He walked over with no protest. John flipped him over and raised his hand. He stopped after the boy’s bottom was a dark shade of pink. When it was done, John helped straighten Sam up. The boy was sniffling, but not fully crying. John reached out to hug him, but Sam jerked away. 

“You can leave now. I get your message.” Sam’s voice was starting to quiver. 

“All right.” John said, his heart aching. He wanted to reach out to Sam but the boy was refusing contact. What could he do? He closed the door and listened for a while. Soon, Sam started bawling and John began to wonder what message his youngest son got. 

The next day, John spent his whole morning working at a local mechanic shop. He tried to earn what little money he could. Then, he spent the afternoon trying to earn some more cash by hustling some pool. He came home in the evening feeling exhausted. Dean was out in the back of the rental house, fixing the air conditioning. 

“Nice work, son.” John commented on his way to the fridge. He pulled out an ice cold beer and sat back on the couch, stretching his feet out. “Where’s Sammy?”

Dean walked out of the kitchen and into the living room with a towel tossed over his shoulder. “He’s in his room. I think he’s doing homework or studying. You know, the usual.” 

“What about you? How was school.” John asked for sake of conversation. 

“Good.” Dean replied easily. “Me and Sally Bendale skipped third period together so that was cool.”

John took another sip of beer. Snorting, he turned on the tv. “Any phone calls while I was gone?”

“Actually yeah. Pastor Jim called to talk about a ghost sighting in Montana.” 

“I guess that’s where we’ll be heading next.” John said with a sigh. Dean frowned. 

“I’m gonna miss this house. It was nice to finally have a big kitchen and a living room.” Dean said. 

John nodded. “What do you want for dinner.” He changed the subject, not wanting to dwell on his child’s uprooted life. 

“Dunno. Sam loves that Caesar Salad crap so I guess we could just go to Taco Bell or Subway and get Sam a salad.” 

“You probably want Taco’s,  right Dean-o?” 

Dean smiled, “Yes sir. If it’s not too expensive.” 

John shook his head, “it’s not. I’ve got it covered.” 

Dinner was rather quiet. John tried to make conversation with Sam, but the boy was only answering yes or no questions.

 “I’m finished.” Sam said, pushing his plate away. 

“Come on Sammy, you barely touched your salad and that’s like your favorite.” Dean said with a mouth full of tacos. 

“I’m not hungry.” Sam said with a shrug. 

“Put your plate in the sink.” John barked. His youngest son always found a way to get under his skin. 

Once Sam was in his room John looked at Dean, “what’s up with your brother?”

“He’s still mad.” Dean said quietly. “He didn’t think I deserved to be punished. I tried telling him I did, but you know Sam. He’s really stubborn sometimes. And sensitive. I don’t think you should have pun-“ Dean stopped mid-sentence when he saw the look on his Dad’s face. 

“Don’t think I should have what, Dean? Punished him?” John slammed his hand down on the table. “Well I think something needs to be done again. I’m not tolerating any disrespect from him.” 

Dean winced, “Dad... all due respect sir, but that’s a horrible idea. He just needs some time to cool off.” 

John and Dean had a silent staring contest. Dean squirmed uneasily, but held his ground nonetheless. John backed off a minute later and took a sip of water. “Maybe you’re right.” 

Dean’s eyebrows shot up to the sky. “I am?” 

“Yeah Dean. You certainly are an expert when it comes to your brother.” 

“Thanks.” He said, face flushing at the small praise. He adores any praise from his father even if it’s about Sam. 

“All right. Get your brother and do your laps.” John ordered. The boys had a strict training routine and John would be damned if he let the boys off easy. 

After training, John and Dean settled on the couch and dozed off. John woke up around one thirty and saw Dean’s feet hanging off the couch. From the looks of it, he was sound asleep. John threw a blanket over his eldest and turned the TV off. He proceeded to walk towards his room. That’s when he saw Sam pacing the hall floor frantically. The kid was sweating and breathing like crazy.

"Tiger, what's wrong?"

Sam started at his dad, chest moving up and down. Then he dashed passed John and into his room saying. "I hate you."

Suddenly, John’s heart felt like it was in his throat.

"Sam. We need to talk." The knob wouldn't turn. “Samuel Winchester! Open this door or so help me I will spank you again.” John yelled. Dean must have heard the commotion because now he was standing beside John asking him what was happening. 

“Nothing Dean. Your brother is just being a brat. Go back downstairs. I need to open this door.” John wasted no time fishing in his pockets for a safety pin and picking the lock. 

Once he was inside the room, John’s heart leaped out of his chest. The window was open and Sam was no where in sight. What if something evil got to his baby. The logic in John’s mind was telling him that Sam probably climbed down the tree outside his window, but part of John kept picturing a monster that killed children. A monster that killed his Mary. 

“DAD!” 

At Dean’s cry, John was down the stairs in record time. He rounded the corner and saw the front door open. There on the lawn, stood Dean. He was gripping his brother by the jacket and forcefully pulling him back inside. 

“Dad.” Dean repeated, “he’s okay. He’s right here.” 

Sam shrugged his arm away from Dean, feeling hurt and betrayed by his big brother. John ran forward and crushed Sam in a hug. A second later, he turned Sam to his side and raised his hand. Before he could bring it down, Dean had grabbed it. 

“Don’t Dad. Please.” Dean said. He met his father’s eyes with such a desperate look John instantly resealed Sam. 

“What the hell were you thinking?” He yelled, as Sam quickly ducked behind Dean, his protector. “Climbing out the window at one in the morning. Why did you slam the door on me? What’s going on with you Sam!” 

“Nothing. I felt like leaving so I did.” Sam growled. Dean threw his head back in anguish. Why was his brother so stupid? Sam really was a smart kid when it came to books and school. But when it came to obeying his father, he couldn’t be more stupid. 

John shoved Dean aside, tightened his grip on Sam’s arm and rained down five quick swats on the child’s backside. “You are ten years old.” John lectured, “you do not leave this house at one in the morning because you feel like it.” He dragged Sam to the couch and threw the kid over his knees. “And this disrespectful attitude ends now.” John applied a dozen blistering smacks to the kid’s tender bottom. By now, Sam was full on crying. Finally John lifted him up, standing him between his knees. 

To Sam’s absolute shock, he saw his Dad wipe a few tears from his own eyes. “Why are you crying?” Sam asked worried. 

“Because you scared me, Sam. You really scared me. For a brief moment I thought something got you the same way something got your mother.”

More tears spilled out of John’s eyes and Sam felt horrible. Then, he started crying too. But Sam’s tears were loud. “At least now y-you know h-how it fe-feels.” Sam wailed. 

“What?” John asked utterly confused. “Sammy what are you talking about?”

“I don’t know! You made me scared! You and your cruel punishments.” Sam screamed. 

“I see.” John mumbled, “well Sammy, you and Dean pushed me to my wits end. I didn’t want to start raising my hand but you left me with no choice.” 

"I'm not talking about that. I mean taking Dean away. You knew I would have nightmares! Who does that, you made him go back to his room. I'm happy I made you scared now you know how it feels!" He screamed pushing at his father’s chest. 

John stood with his mouth open. “Sam. Sammy listen to me.” Sam looked at John with tears still falling down his cheeks. “Tiger, I didn't take Dean away. You were only supposed to be in different rooms to think about everything. I wouldn't do that you Sam. I'm not that mean. I never want you to be scared either. Dean’s been dropping off on the couch but not on purpose. Sammy, if you were scared you could went into his room. Or better yet you could have came and got me.” 

It was Sam’s turn to stand shell-shocked. “You didn’t take Dean away from me?”

“No kid of course not.” John said softly. “I don’t want you to be afraid. I especially don’t want to get in the way of your relationship with your brother. I know how close you two are.” John pulled Sam close to him. 

"Dad?" Sam said from John’s chest. "I'm sorry I scared you. I wasn't sneaking out. I know better than to sneak out with what happened the last time. But I had a nightmare and I was mad at you and I thought you were mad at me and every instinct told me to run. I’m so sorry.” 

"Okay Sammy, its just damn it," John was starting to tear up again. The last thing he wanted to do was be weak in front of his kid.

"All the crap you've been pulling lately. You wouldn't listen to me. Do you realize that you could have been jumped or killed? I wouldn't have known. No one would have!" John felt the tears slide down his face. He quickly scrubbed them away with his hand. 

"Dad, don't. It’s okay." Sam put his arms around John’s neck and hugged him tight. “I’m never going to do it again. If...if you want to spank me again... I understand. I deserve it.”

John shook his head. “No Sam. I just want your word that you will try your best to listen to me.”

“Yes sir.” Sam said. “I promise.” 

Dean, who had exited the scene when Sam was getting licked, walked back in the room with two mugs of hot chocolate. “I thought you two could use something to drink.” He said plopping down on the couch. Dean set the mugs on the side table and picked up the remote. 

“We’re in luck! Batman re-runs are on.” Dean turned to Sam and lifted him onto his lap. John reached over to find a blanket and then he put it over his two boys. 

“Dean.” Sam whined, “I’m too big to be on your lap. Aren’t I crushing you?” 

“Nah. I’m still waaaay bigger than you.” Dean said, running his hand up and down Sam’s back. Soon, Sam’s quiet hiccups died down. 

John was sitting right next to his boys, drinking his hot coco. “Thanks Dean.” He said softly. 

“Dad.” Sam said. 

“Yeah bud?”

“I don’t hate you. I’m sorry I said it in the first place.”

“It’s okay tiger. I know you don’t.” John said. “And I don’t hate you either, Sammy boy.” 

As his youngest started to laugh. John knew everything was going to be okay, at least for now. 


End file.
